Wednesday, August 30

i'm too sad to tell you

Came across this on the truly excellent Fashion is Spinach and had to pause and take a moment. Because it is precisely what I feel now.

Artist Bas Jan Ader sent this photo, I'm Too Sad To Tell You, on a postcard to his friends but never revealed what it was that made him cry, only that it was genuine.

Saturday, August 26

tired of being tired

ME: I'm so tired. Why do we need men?
LURVE: I dunno sigh. And we never learn from our mistakes either.
ME: Surely everyone deserves to find love? Why is it so hard for some and so easy for others? It's just not fair!
LURVE: Because life's not fair! And lurve is a battlefield.
ME: I'm tired, lurve... It shouldn't be this hard. Or this unfair.
LURVE: I don't know how to answer, lurve. I think a lot has to do with finding peace within, of not always wanting or needing, and just being still and happy with yourself. There's a reason for everything, even sadness and pain. I think it's to teach us to face our deepest fears so that when what we really really want -- and deserve -- arrives, you'll truly appreciate it and treasure it.
ME: I know I'm whining but I feel like I always have to work so hard for anything I want... To study overseas, to start a business, to even just be healthy... Surely I'm not such a rotten person that I don't deserve anything good to happen to me without me having to work for it?
LURVE: That I cannot answer. But lurve, you have many blessings in your life. You're not stuck working full-time, you've had some success with Swirl, you have been in good health for quite a while and you have friends who care very much about you. Things could be a lot worse than that.
ME: Yes, things can be worse. But my point is that I've had to work so hard at it just to be a little happy, contented, successful or whatever. And frankly, I'm tired.

Yes, I know, we have to work hard for things we want, nothing in life is free, and anyway, I don't trust things which come too easily. But is it too much to ask for someone to be there to hold me and let me rest, just for a while, when I'm too tired to carry on?

And of course, even when you have someone, you have to work at it to keep it going. Which brings me back to...I'm so tired.

Thursday, August 10

photo shop

The latest Swirl fashion shoot photos are out. See anything you like?

Thanks to Alfie for his usual outstanding work and Sheryl for being so sporting.

Tuesday, August 8

ask not for whom the bell tolls

As I snuggled fitfully under the covers, trying to prolong the state of being semi awake, the thought snuck up on me: "He's getting married."

Call it premonition or woman's intuition or something akin to that. I felt it would be happening very soon. Or it could be still some time in the future. But, eventually, he would marry her. That's for sure. And I was the trigger, the catalyst, the one who made him realise he can't play anymore.

There was an uncomfortable stab -- not quite a dagger, not even a pen knife, more like a blunt pencil, maybe -- somewhere in the region of my heart. And I woke up completely.

Sunday, August 6

down with monkeys

Mischievous monkeys strike again. I'm not sure if I can mention the lawsuit here, but it's enough to say us swirly tigers are plagued with problems this month indeed.

M was so distraught she shed tears. I fumed so much I had to call my twin to vent. And then I got so upset I had to call a certain someone, thereby breaking the unspoken agreement we had about unspeaking.

HE: You can call me anytime to whinge ok?
ME: Ummmkay.
[In the background, a girl's voice asked him whether he was coming.]
HE: I have to go.
ME: [Simultaneously] You better go.

Tuesday, August 1

monkey business

For all you Tigers out there -- like me and Mousey -- this is supposed to be a very bad month as it is the Monkey month. And Monkeys and Tigers don't get along. So be careful until 24 August.

on air

I've been telling everyone to plug in to Pandora, but if you still don't believe me how marvellous and fantastic and easy it is, just click on the stations below the archives on the right.

I'm such a groupie, I actually wrote fan mail to Pandora. And they replied! The very next day! I lurve Pandora!