Wednesday, August 31

how many months?

The super steroids my doc gave me made me super hungry all the time. So I ate and ate and ate the whole day and put on 2kg.

But suddenly, the other medicine has kicked in. It's some sort of cancer drug and it makes me feel like throwing up, especially after meals. The waves of nausea are getting so bad and even though I try to eat salty or sour things, nothing seems to quell the nausea.

It's like I'm preggers or something.

Monday, August 29

back from the palace

After six days of marathon TV viewing, my sis, my mom and I have completed watching 70 episodes of Jewel In The Palace. Those VCDs are really time-sucking devices.

On the average, we were slumped in front of the idiot box for 10 hours from morning till midnight. Even during meals, we would be watching from the dining table. The only breaks were for peeing and bathing, although towards the finale, I'm ashamed to say we even gave up showering. My mom neglected all housework and my sis didn't do anything to improve her unemployed status.

Lucky I got MC.

Tuesday, August 23

sleep, perchance to dream

For the first time in weeks, I managed to dream while sleeping. That means I finally achieved REM, which means the pain must be abating! Hooray for super steroids!

Not very exciting dreams, just snippets, but such small pleasures nonetheless.

A particularly strange one involved about a scruffy Englishman named Boddington, who looked like Paddington bear, but wore a Martin Margiela suit instead of a red pea coat.

Another one was easier to analyse. I was in an old old milinery shop which was closing down and managed to grab lots of vintage jewellery. But before I could negotiate to buy over the glass counter tops and mirrors, I woke up. They would have been lovely in the Swirl shop.

Monday, August 22

you're fired

Even though my boss reassures me that she will not utter Trump's famous last words, I doubt my annual appraisal -- taking place this month -- will be very ideal, seeing that I've been given yet another two weeks of medical leave.

The doc says it is not my bone moving about in the wound, it's a tendon. Same difference, if you ask me.

In preparation for staying at home, I stocked on munchies and made my sis buy for me Jewel In The Palace VCDs. Now is as good a time as any to indulge in K-drama like a housewife.

Friday, August 19

left, right, centre

So, in a bid to look on the bright side, here's some good news.

The crater seems to be not as deep and the bone not as visible.

I'm getting quite adept at changing the dressing. The trick is really to pretend that you're a nurse and it is not your own foot.

The super steroids which I've been taking are kicking in, yet the dreaded side effect of monstrous weight gain has not. Considering how much I'm eating -- the dem steroids make me hungry all the time! -- and how I'm plastered on the sofa in front of the TV the entire day, it's a miracle.

Wednesday, August 17

on the other foot

Forgot to add that I can actually see one of the bones of my foot because the wound is more like a crater now. And when I twitch my toes, I can see the bone move. It is fascinating in a most morbid way. I have to mentally detach my brain from my foot whenever I look at it, otherwise I think I may just totally freak out.

Now I'm wondering what kind of scab and what kind of scar will form.

[Apologies to anyone who feels sick reading all this, but this and the pain kinda occupies all my thoughts these days.]

Tuesday, August 16

my right foot

Click to see larger pix only if you (a) are not squeamish, (b) have not had a full meal, (c) are not about to enjoy a meal, and (d) like looking at gruesome photos from medical books.

So my giant wound got infected and filled with pus. Ack! Had to go back to specialist to get it drained and an entire layer of dead skin removed in a minor operation. Being the sort who gets a kick from watching nurses draw blood, I was fascinated while the doc was prepping his instruments, swabbing the area and prodding with sharp tools, until he made me lie down.

"No point looking at such unpleasant things," he said. I think he was worried I'd faint.

Now I have to clean this gaping hole twice a day without the nurse's help. Everytime I take off the dressing, I feel my knees going weak.

Monday, August 8

livedoid vasculitis

Since many many have asked about it, the exact precise medical term for my mystery baikar illness is actually livedoid vasculitis.

It is related somwhat to lupus, which more people have heard of, and is similarly an attack of the immune system, which leads to the breaking down of blood vessels and circulation. It is not a skin problem, does not itch, and is not contagious.

It can be life threatening if it affects the liver and major organs, but don't worry, the docs have run all the tests and all my insides are fine and healthy. But it is also frustrating, cos my entire body is ok, except for the limbs, and they don't know the cause. So they can only treat the symptoms.

Saw yet another specialist today, hopefully the last one ever in this lifetime, at the National Skin Centre. [Yes, even though it is not a skin disease, I go to the NSC because "the problem manifests itself on the skin".]

The doc, supposed to be one of three who specialise in this in Singapore and has done research on it, basically didn't tell me anything new or prescribe any super new fancy cure-all drug.

Complete rest, no walking around, minimise risk of infection, etc. And then without even blinking, he gave me another two weeks of medical leave. So I came back to work for a day today and did pretty much nothing, except talk to my very sympathetic boss and make arrangements to take leave for the duration [seeing how I've finally run out of medical leave].

So, come visit me if you're in the neighbourhood. I'm gonna be housebound and very bored.

Thursday, August 4

swirling around

Been real busy swirling around, but here it is at last. Swirl is open for business.

Must support support!