anybody home?

Some time last year, this old classmate of mine called me up at work out of the blue and from a payphone, no less.

Him: Hello, do you know a Chee Tiong* from ACJC?
Me: Erm, yes?
Him: I am Chee Tiong.
Me: Erm, hello.
Him: Have you heard any news about me?
Me: Erm, what? [I thought I heard wrongly, as it was noisy.]
Him: Have you heard anyone talking about me?
Me: Erm, no. Who's talking about you?
Him: Reporters have been calling me and calling me.
Me: Erm, about what? [I was thinking at this point that he was insane.]
Him: [Hemming and hawing] About me. And my business.
Me: Erm, why would they want to know about your business?
Him: They want to know.

The conversation went on in this vein for a while, until he hung up, still with disbelief in his voice that no one was enquiring about him or his activities.

Last week, he called my home and asked my Mum for my mobile number. She didn't give it to him, of course, and took down his number on his insistence. When she passed it to me, I shuddered and said: "Psycho!" And then I threw the scrap of paper away.

Two days later, he called my office. For some unknown reason, I picked up. [I usually don't pick up unknown numbers, to avoid long-winded PR girls and their brainless spiels.]

Him: Hello, do you remember Chee Tiong?
Me: [Heart sinking] Erm, yes?
Him: I am Chee Tiong.
Me: Erm, hi.
Him: I tried to call you at home.
Me: [Brightly] Is it?
Him: Have you heard any news about me from Audrina*?
Me: Er, no, I don't really keep in touch with our classmates.
Him: Have you heard any news about me from your colleagues?
Me: [Clutching my phone in disbelief that this is happening again] Erm, no.
Him: They have been following me.
Me: Erm, why?
Him: They want to find out more about me.
Me: [Rather loudly and impatiently] Erm, why?
Him: Can you let me know if anyone asks about me? This is my handphone number.
Me: Erm, ok.
Him: Can I get your handphone number too in case?
Me: [Lying through my teeth] I don't have one.

He finally gets the idea and hangs up.

* Names have been changed so that he won't be able to google and find out that people have, indeed, been talking about him.