under the blanket

The most deserted aisles of Borders are in the self-help section, I've discovered. To be more precise, it's the relationship section, which harbours books with titles such as Find A Husband After 35 Using What I Learned At Harvard Business School, Finding Mr Write, Updating: How To Find A Man Or Woman Who Once Seemed Out Of Your League, Why There Are No Good Men Left, If I’m So Wonderful Why Am I Still Single, and -- this is my personal favourite -- Stop Getting Dumped: All You Need To Know To Make Men Fall Madly In Love With You And Marry “The One” In 3 Years Or Less.

And I didn’t even have to make any of these snigger-inducing titles up.

So there I was, sheepishly checking out these books and trying to look like I was seriously interested in them. As I carted an armload of them to the counter, I imagined pitying looks from other browsers who must think I’m some sad dateless sod suffering from some sort of pre-Valentine’s Day anxiety attack.

Surrounded by $400 worth of books now, I wonder who buys them -- plenty of single women, according to research for my story -- because the advice is worthless. I am no closer to making men fall madly in love with me and proposing marriage in 3 years or less.