a sub's nightmare

Ok, the bag is brilliant, but the eBayer selling it has even more brilliant copywriting skills:

ABLAZE with CHOICE Fashion Forward Delight,is this Original Vintage ARISTOCRAT, straight out of the 1950's and 60s, with its SAVVY DEFINITIVE style, it screams with an ART DECO-ISH Bite, and a SPORTY HIP attitude! A True HOTTIE, Fashioned with LONG Slim SEXY Length, it is SUPERBLY enveloped with TOP GRAIN super SOFT and SUPPLE leather, patterned with a STRIPE of CREAM, and a STRIPE of MOSSY TAN, and then topped with a RIGID Leather wrapped frame done in GOLDEN NUTMEG. Making the bag BURST with PIZZAZZ, is that it is BEAUTIFULLY and SHAMELESSLY Topped with a CHUNKY Dazzling BRASS Bar SNAP frame, that ARCHES up and then ROUNDS downward in a LOOPY O RING Fashion at one end, acting as the PERFECT Handle GRIP.....Oh its SO SHARP & INSANELY COOL! Splitting open down the center,to REVEAL a Creamy LEATHERETTE lined INTERIOR with a side wall zipper POCKET and a pouch slip POCKET behind that, this is SPORTING the ORIGINAL "TOWN & COUNTRY SHOES" label and provides AMPLE room for our GIRLY necessities. SHINING with SUCH Edgy PRESENCE, and DELICIOUS Swank, this is a MUST HAVE quintessential FASHION ICON, Looking SAUCY knocking around with JEANS and pair of vintage BOOTS, or sandals, or pair it up with the POWER SUIT for work or out with GALS...but whatever outfit or look you choose to match it up with,it will add VERVE and SPICE!! Measuring 11.75" from side to side and 5.75" from top to bottom, and about 1.25" in depth when flat, this is in EXCELLENT condition..and GLEAMING with FRESH Crisp NEW Appeal....The leather is so soft and perfect, and brass is shiny and bright, and the interior is spotless and clean with NO odors.To an admirer's eye, and when carrying out and about,this looks brand new, its ONLY upon CLOSE inspection will you see some VERY MINOR rubs and VERY LIGHT scratching to the brass top frame clasp and grip,..NO tarnishing or wearing of yellowy color...and it is what makes the bag POP!!! There are some VERY MINOR, but again, TYPICAL corner scuffs at one bottom corner...(you have to have you're nose up on the bag to see it..and to two top corners, which also do not STAND OUT or TAKE AWAY from the bags looks. HONESTLY, the bag is a DELUXE Piece with INTENSE Fashion Sense!..You WONT be disappointed...its ABSOLUTELY got a look that is ALL its OWN...Exploding with POWERFUL Panache, and VIVACIOUS VIGOR, it EXCITES with EDGY SPUNK, but can be CLASSY & DEFINED, and Has a SPORTY Zip and a BOHO Blend, but just down right IMPRESSIVE and SUPERIOR !!!!!